I get this question a lot and I've struggled with grasping the true meaning of this diagnoses which I've talked to many practitioners about and it's really an undiagnosable illness because the person being tested is answering the questions based on what the practitioner wants to hear because they don't want to be discovered or diagnosed and most people who have narcissistic traits are in complete denial that They are not in control. There is so many articles and studies done on narcissism but I've yet to read a clear definition of what this actually is! Especially since this term is just gotten more popular in the last few years. I wondered if it was even a thing or just another over diagnosed illness created to be technically diagnosed to appeal to anyone wanting to put a name to a dysfunctional place in another individual's life. After so much research, reading and studying I will simply explain this word Narcissism as someone who is mentally abusive to another person regardless of if it's a spouse, friend, parent or anyone that the Narcissist wants to control.
We all know there are many forms of abuse especially in relationships but the focus on physical abuse has overshadowed the mental abuse anyone can endure, so to describe this in a separate category, the true term is called narcissism! We have all hear the term "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me!" That is a fairy tale because as I have been personally physically and mentally abused, I would much rather not be abused at all however, bruises heal but the pain internally that a narcissist inflicts is something that never really leaves our soul. Now I know that there may be some conflicting comments regarding my perception and experience, but I speak from the truth in my heart! Let me explain that I absolutely do not discredit the pain created by someone's actions in a dysfunctional and abusive relationships! ALL FORMS OF ABUSE ARE ABSOLUTELY UNNACCEPTABLE! However, the manipulation and calculated behavior created by a narcissist are, in my opinion, the deepest most cruel form of abuse that cuts the victim to the core and is much harder to repair! This victim will sustain so much mental trauma that takes years to repair and rehabilitate from. It strips us of self-esteem, feeling unconditional love from others, trust to anyone who will enter our lives in the future, we will constantly question our worth and sanity, shutting down and shutting out the positive productive relationships that may influence us to remind us of our worth and beauty within, the feeling of shame and guilt and despair creep in when we think of a failed relationship that you gave your all to and thought you could have done better, you will question every single decision you will make in every aspect of your life and hopelessness, depression, helplessness and building walls to not let the light in will create a ripple effect of catastrophic proportions in your life unless you seek help of someone who can help you begin to rebuild your self-esteem and bring back your shine and empower you with the right tools and resources you will continue to attract these same type of people.
If a victim of physical abuse is brave enough to escape the abuser with time and support and professional help statistically, they are empowered and rehabilitated much quicker than one of a Dysfunctional Narcissistic abusive relationship. Reason being is that the NARC is so manipulative that they make you believe you're the problem and they are of no fault! So, you start to question your own sanity and actions because that's how a NARC gains control! When you're at your weakest most vulnerable state!
Do I believe that someone who displays Narcissistic tendencies can rehabilitate and be fixed? Absolutely, but no one besides themselves will be able to convince the NARC that change needs to be made and that they are categorized with this dysfunctional behavior, It takes only the NARC alone to discover this personality flaw and be honest and truthful with themselves to get help in how to change these behaviors so that they can have healthy productive non-dysfunctional relationships that last forever. Cognitive behavior change, Communication training, and learning how to cope with giving up control of their impulsive emotions and projecting them onto others that they love or love them!
The only true way to get a proper diagnosis and treatments is if the narcissist accepts that there is something in their life that needs to be changed and stop blaming others for their behavior. If someone is called a narcissist in every relationship prior to your encounter, and they don't take into consideration that it may just be possible but can be fixed, then more than likely they will sail through life moving to person to person with the same behavior and never find true happiness and in the meantime, they have destroyed the spirit of all the people they abused along the way!
I hope that victims and NARCS find this blog useful and hopefully a wakeup call for both alike and find a way to change not only in the case of the NARC, but in the victims, case find some peace and clarity that you're not alone and there is help!
My next blog is one of the articles I have read recently that is very informative and identifiable for me personally. It really breaks down what traits NARCS display to assess if you are a victim of a NARC or a NARC who needs to seek assistance in behavior change to live a healthy happy life with someone without this repetitive behavior. It's called "5 weaknesses all narcissists have but don't want you to know."
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Shine bright for the world to see!!
Jenn
